Stuck

Stuck, I am drowning. I am still. I can’t breathe. I am screaming for help. All of this internal. No one hears me. Is this how everyone feels? Then the demons come back again. It must be how everyone feels. Or…I am not ‘normal’.  I am forced to hide the feelings. With a convincing mask. Swayed every time. With a million whispers. Which have taken over… Finally nudged with the thoughts. Of what people will think, they will find more differences, which will cause more judgment. Who doesn’t want to fit in? Add that to the overflowing mess that is my brain. It is all too much. Too many questions. Too many conclusions. Conclusions I am not ready for “This is me” I want to say out loud and proudly; to accept me and move on. But I am stuck in this unfortunate moment, unable to step out. And shout out my differences. For everyone to hear. No one would understand. When I say, life isn’t for me, no one understands the truth I mean, every day I am full of apologies, and I’m neck deep with mistakes. Surely no one makes this many? I have made so many, I am sure I have become one. The loudest voice in me wishes to be gone today, part of me wants it to be an accident, and a small voice, deep inside, wants someone to notice and stop me…

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